I keep a blog...

I keep a blog over on blogspot. I'm wondering if it would be worthwhile to have it cross-post here... Would anyone care? Or notice? (I don't post often, it is meant to be part of my 'platform'. I also don't post my dreams, etc. over there.)

Dream: Lovecraft's 'daughter'

Lost a lot of the details before I Could get it all written down.

Adopted daughter in a large, natural family. Odd things start to happen. Siblings possessed, fighting each other. Cannibalism. I am constantly sick, frail constitution.

Reach adulthood, barely. Approached by a Protestant priest (Sam Neill). Kind of fast and loose morality, but still a priest. Start to learn about a lot of weird things. (possessed exercise machine made in the 1950s is one thing I remember). Catholic priest finds us. The two do not get along very well, but they know something is going on. Items are 'awakening', bad things are happening.

Every night I am given the option to take communion because of whatever illness seems to strike hardest at night, and it helps me rest.

Cut away, two priests in the hall. Protestant to Catholic, "Father, it has been six years since my last confession." This is usually a tense joke between them, he is serious. They sit down to take a meal in a private office while I/the girl are somewhere else asleep. Neither are eating. Dream perspective moves into the room.

Catholic priest, "This is really a vile thing you're suggesting."

"Things are getting out of hand, if he's really come back, it's the only way."

"I know. Have you discussed it with her?"

"How can I?"

"Making the (word) dagger is the blackest of choices and she needs to understand, at least. God's forgiveness will not be enough."

Head in hands, pushing back his thinning hair, "I know."

Nothing is said out loud but all implications are there - the girl/I am the descendant of Lovecraft and he did not actually die. He was changed and disappeared and now he was coming back to life/the world. The only way anyone knew to stop him, or whatever he was now that he was returning, was with a (word) dagger, which had to be infused wtih the life of a relative. So, the Protestant priest in his studies had figured out and was quickly realizing that things were so out of hand that he'd considered they needed to kill me to make the dagger... but the idea of taking an innocent life is a heavy thing.

Then my alarm.

Wheel Keeps Turning

It's been just over 2 years since I've posted here. Hello, Livejournal. I miss you sometimes.

Hello all you beautiful people. I miss you, too, sometimes.

I'm not here much, but I'm not totally gone either. I don't know which is better/worse.

Dream: Places, NY, Cookie & Comic Shop

I traveled being pulled behind a truck, driven by my mom. At 33 mph almost the whole way - except we were going way faster than that. Seems like 33mph was the cap for everyone. I rode on a computer chair tied to the truck.

Pass through that small town from other dreams (with the wooden building dive bar - with the old man & soup upstairs), on my way to New York. Maybe NY City, but not sure. I am going there to visit a cookie & comic shop that I loved while I was there. (Never been to NYC in real life.)

I get there. My friend Allison from Cape Fear HS is there and it is her family, which is now all Japanese? (She is not Japanese.) Her father thinks, at some point, I will be more comfortable without my bra and it is a ritual/tradition for him to remove it. Except he's far too embarassed cause... Yeah. I'm just amused and let them.

While we are having dinner, I tell them I had a dream and am curious if it is real. About an 'accident' at another bookstore. They ask where the bookstore I dreamt about/remember is at... we go outside so I can get my bearings. I apologize for changing their neighborhood, but aren't they happy there's a grocery store right across the street on the next block down? instead of skyscrapers full of businesses that aren't of any use to them? I describe where the bookstore is - they say yes. It is part of the old university grounds. Back in the 70's, there was a satellite array there, and a bunch of robots were ordered into this open field between two large solar panel walls and someone activated some lasers with the satellite array, so these death-satellites in space shot down these neon purple rays and destroyed the robots. There were two witnesses but they didn't do it. A janitor kid, and a woman who had just given birth in her car.

I got to be 'there' in the head of the janitor kid and it was just horrible. As though I were watching a field of people being murdered. The robots were important. Not quite androids, but getting there. An FBI agent shoo's me away. Back from the flashback....

I hang out in this shop and some of the old employees and such show up and we start joking about how long they'd keep their jobs, whether they might get rehired during the busy season, etc. I get to sit in on a performance valuation of this guy who looks like the kid "Ricky" from "Falling Skies". He can't figure out how to rate his performance. I give him a 1-10 scale to use. This is apparently cheating, but the boss lady doesn't mind.

It was a very elaborate and long dream, but that is all I recall. And that I was going to try to get a job at the bookstore I dreamt about in my dream.

(no subject)

Dream: I get pulled over by this young cop. He decides to let me off with a warning. We start talking. Laughing. Something comes on my radio and he decides he wants to dance. He spins me around a few times, a couple of dips. Then we are like omg-right-there face to face and we kiss. He looks confused for a moment, then pushes me away. I trip and fall into my car, I turn around to look at him. He's mad. He's thinking that I'm trying to 'repay' him for giving me just a warning. So, "now I have to give you a ticket." And he gives me a ticket for "bad car odor" for $880.37

Some other dream, I am fighting 'bears' in a weird fortress. They talk and have humanish faces (more like Where the Wild Things Are) and sound like Eeyore.

Then another dream: Two of my friends (unknown persons) are creating bus maps that are completely inaccurate. They are printing them and going to distribute them as official documents. I'm looking for a mage named Emily who has the last remaining key to some dungeon. (The rest of the dream is completely in a real world. Except the part where I find an item that gives me a pet cat.) While telling these guys that they could be committing a felony, my old guardian Joel shows up. Some horsing around and we all end up naked, and I end up cornered by a naked Joel in a shower. He tells me that yes, he wants it, but he's not sure. I just watch him. I don't say anything. I don't touch him, I just watch him. He starts rubbing his junk against my leg. He finally does proposition me formally (ha ha ha) and says "We should do this before Donna (the name of his new wife in my dream, but I dont know the real name) calls and asks what I've been doing all day." "And if we do this, what will you tell her?" "Nothing." "Oh. Well, that's a smart thing." And I'm still just looking at him. Full eye contact, COMPLETELY NAKED, but just... "stare. blink, staaaaare." And then he starts to look at me like I might be judging him. Then my alarm goes off.

Dreams: Vengeance

I was a man, the leader of a clan. Japanese? There were women under my protection/in my care. We lived in an isolated mountain area, so we lived very simply, very 'medieval'. Our 'town' was a stop over for travelers. One of my girls went missing. I went looking for her. Kind of a mystery set up. I would ask questions, get clues, trying to find her. I find out that whoever took her has raped her (though that phrase never comes up, it is always 'taken') and abused her. So it becomes even more important to find her and the guy. I don't find her. Someone else does and I go to see her in the 'hospital'. Which is really just a rice paper walled house, ala the buildings you'd see in Memoirs of a Geisha? She is wrapped in bandages from head to toe. She is dying. There is a note about what happened to her. "...cril ground into her skin." No idea what that means, but it is why she's dying. She gives me two items. One item is for her brother, one item is for me. For her brother is a small "book" type item, but on the cover is a miniature replica of the old SNES controller buttons. This 'book' is maybe 2 inches by 2 inches. I do not recall what she gave to me. As a man, it was not generally acceptable to weep, but I did shed tears over her. She also gave me the name of the man who did this to her.

The government? is moving my clan out of the mountains, relocating us into a city. There is a social worker, a black woman, there to help. I am one of the last that will be moved. I decline. They insist. I insist that I must finish one thing before we leave. (I guess that our village is going to be gone, because I don't have the option to stay there if I do not go with the woman to the city.) There is a decorated pumpkin - not carved, not drawn on. Whole. But ribbons and false greenery added to the stem. Yellow ribbons. I toy with it while trying to convince this woman any my... I don't know. Some other woman who functions as my right hand. Did not feel any kind of close relationship with her, but she was important.

I will not leave until I have my revenge.

Dream changes then, to something about going to a restaurant for a sandwich pick up. Completely unrelated.

Places; cheesy bowl (dream)

Snipped out of IM conversation, describing a dream I had last night.

I am concerned. My dreams seem to have... geography. -- Ever had a dream that involved a certain place... and then later had a different dream and that place is in it, too? I expect it to be thorough... in singular dreams.

It was a little creepy for the same bar/dive/restaurant to show up in different dreams. And it's always... in the same place. You always get there the same way. Of course, the first time, it was a kind of homey place. It did not have a creepy year-eating demon man living upstairs.(...then again, I didn't go upstairs the first time.)

(By the way. To get there? You always go north.) North, and slightly easterly, but barely. Like you're hugging the right side of north.

It's in a small town, through heavily wooded areas of two lane roads. And apparently they serve some kind of cheese dish that I decided I *must* have.

In my dream, my mom and molest-happy-former-stepdad had ordered something from the place to be dropped off, but nothing for me. So I decided I would drive there to get what I wanted. Except I couldn't remember what it was called, and it was not on the menu. And when I got there, trying to describe what I wanted, what I needed, they sent me upstairs where there was this mortician thin old man in a black suit and tie, and no eyes. He gave me a bowl of something, and brought in a child who sat across the table from me. As I ate from the bowl, the child lost years, only in its face. I could see them sucked away.

This did not stop me from eating the stuff in the bowl. Though I did tell the creepy old dude to give the kid back his years, to knock it off. But I wasn't really... upset. Whatever was in the bowl was tasty.

I was not at ALL upset, in the dream. I was hungry.

Dreams: Kissed Nathan Fillion, Squid-head Cat

I was walking to work. I met another man whose first day was in my office. Though I didn't know that until he got there. We walked together and talked. He had a bit of a crush on me? Maybe a little bit of cleavage in my outfit was to blame.

We are followed by a stray kitten. We go inside. He gets situated, and I find out that T and Nathan Fillion work in my office! (Swoon. Total crush going on there.) The kitten is loved by all. Most of the office workers are ladies from my job in NY. I get an offer from a guy named "Brian" - dunno who he was. He says only that it involves a lot of flying. He sweats a lot. I tell him I'll think about it, but I'm really suspicious that he won't tell me any other details until I agree.

Somewhere along the way, I accidentally flash the guys around a table cause one of my buttons comes undone. (This has happened in real life. It's not fun if it is not on purpose!) T. lets me know.

The cat turns out to be some kind of evil alien thing with a squidhead on a cat body, and it's looking for a body to inhabit. It gets into my head to ride around and look for an approprite host (I am not one). It only shows up once more in the dream, randomly. It takes over the body of a small fat kid, which turns him into Cartman (yes, from South Park).

Somehow, Nathan Fillion and I are like... buddies. There's also no such thing as personal space in this dream, it would seem. We are floating around in a pool. I'm kind of... in his lap, using him as my floaty chair or something. We are joking about stuff, and I am telling him it is NOT COOL (ohyesitis) that he keeps coming up behind me and whispering stuff to me, but instead of in my ear, against the skin of my neck behind my ear! Very flustered. He's teasing me. I ask how he'd like it if I did it to him. The 'tense' moment is completely broken by another joke, and we laugh.

Somewhere in there, we move in for a kiss but both of us think the other is kidding, so when we DO kiss, it's very brief and very awkward, and we laugh about how very not-cinematic that was.

Dream moves on, and I'm glad he's cool even in my head.

I find out that the guy Brian is planning to blow up the office, collect on the insurance? I group up with some people who start investigating and trying to rat him out before it happens. I end up getting arrested with one fake ID on me, and an illegal submachine gun. I'm going to prison! W. writes to me - he's still away somewhere - as does Fillion (except by now he's Richard Castle, I'm pretty sure!). Both offer me support, etc.

I woke up after that, but tried to go back to sleep, telling my brain "MORE HANGING OUT WITH NATHAN, PLZ", but it did not oblige.

Dream; Hold the Bear's Mouth Shut!

I had a dream that I was in an affair with W, and he was moving in with a friend of his named Paul. The place he was moving into was pretty swank and his wife was noooot happy. (Surprise?) That wasn't really any major point though. There was a very comfy bed.

At some point I am out on a snow covered and forested hill? There is a black bear (a rather large one, in comparison to most of the black bears you see, particularly in the southern US) chasing lil forest critters. They run to me to save them, hide in weird little burrows in the snow at the base of trees. Well, now I'm facing down this black bear. It's fur was downright luxurious. Maybe 2 inches long all around, and shiny. Like the way shampoo commercials make hair look. Obviously a very healthy bear. I defeat By holding it's mouth shut. (For some reason, this actually seems to be the solution to most wild animals/animal attacks in my dreams.) With me holding the bear's mouth shut, it is powerless. I am leading it around, knowing that if I let go for even a second, it is going to get me. I take it to the swank location mentioned.

W or some other guy, I don't recall... came over and said - "All you have to do..." he takes out a pocket knife and cuts into the bear's face, just about half an inch down the nose from the center corner of its right eye, "...and the poison will kill it." I feel bad. The bear makes a grunting noise and its eyes roll up in its head. The wound bleeds just a little bit, but mostly it releases this clear watery liquid.

...after that I woke up with my hand stinging (I scraped it pretty nastily while changing my car battery yesterday), with Stephen Lynch's "Talk to Me" stuck in my head.

Language of Creation

Taken from messages typed to someone fairly quickly after waking:

I was having a weird dream that I wish I could explain. It involved the language of creation and 3 guys who were part of that. Not... angels or anything, but something like that. ... one of them, if he were played by someone in a movie, should be played by Keith Richards. hahah.

He was something to do with lies.

In the dream that I had, he never spoke. In fact, only one of them did. And the house I hate was in it.

It's made of small areas of old houses I've lived in, but it... The stairs are super narrow - I have to squeeze through. They are creaky. In the kitchen is a broken oven. and really narrow. The boards between the supports are saggy. And the next level up is my room - always it is my room up there - but the whole house starts to lean up there. Everything's narrow, unstable... And i'm pretty sure it has been in other dreams.

I was 3 different perspectives in the dream. First was a guy who could speak to/extract secrets from the dead. He was killed? The second was a girl who saw it and killed the weird spirit cobra that the bad guys were using on the first guy. She ran away from the bad guys, past a girl at the table who was watching for someone to go fleeing the place - which was kind of a mansion/kind of a bar? She runs past, and then I'm the lady at the table.

I get up and chase after her, looking "helpful" to the bad guys. The girl scrambles under a ...Rolls Royce? and I stop and lean on the car like I'm catching my breath. One of the big thugs from the bad guys - who I apparently know as this girl - questions me, I tell him nope, sorry she ran off into the woods, and what am I supposed to do? "chase his deer into the forest barefoot?"

He goes away. Another server girl saw what happened, tells me she'll bring me a rootbeer - glancing under the car so I know she knows. She brings me a drink which I give to the girl under the car. The girl under the car escapes. I never see her again. The thug kind of rapes me* later. But somewhere in there, I get my hands on some scrollworks and learn? spontaneously the language of creation. Apparently THAT is what the bad guys wanted the first guy to extract from their dead patriarch.

While I am sitting in a front lobby area that is dark... Keith Richards shows up. He just does that broad closed lipped grin at me, and the rest of the people show up.

You know what, I guess the first guy wasn't dead. Because he is there later. The 'guys' pick up me and him. And they have one human helper - an Asian girl.

I do not know what they wanted us for, except that we'd both been exposed to the language of creation and most humans? who do... go crazy. They took me back to 'my house' to get some clean clothes.

They sent the Asian girl in with me, but I made her stay in the kitchen area. cause there was no way I was going up the leaning stairs with someone right on my ass. That's where I woke up.


*Felt this warranted some explanation. He holds me around the waist and basically masturbates me against my will. Most basic details there.